We went to the hospital and met Theo hours after he was born. Hours! This is the closest I've ever been to the birth of a baby--the whole process and all that. Imagine meeting a baby hours after he was born! He was all swaddled up with a blue hat on his head. He was adorable, and I'm not just saying that because he's my charge.
Mom made me hold him--no fooling around! I sat down with a pillow propped on my lap. I posed for a picture--on my face was some sort of grimacing smile. I was panicked, but I did it. I got the stiff arm from holding him, but he didn't move at all, and slept through the whole thing. Whew!
A day after everyone was home, I held him again. When he was being swaddled in preparation for the holding, I had a panic attack. I imagined his little head actually rolling off the couch and onto the floor. I like to talk through my fears. I had to say what I was imagining, to make myself feel better, but of course I couldn't do it in front of Aurora, so I spoke in code to Mom and Dad. I sounded like I had lost my marbles. Did they really want me to take care of their newborn?
This time I actually held his head with my hand, so I could face my fear head on, so to speak. His head was soft and warm. He made little movements with his mouth, it was so cute! I think it will be like everyone says; I'll get used to it, and I'll learn quickly.
I'll see him again tomorrow. I won't wait to be asked to hold him; I'll take a deep breath and ask first. In the words of Aurora...watch me.
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