Snugli Snafu

She told me he would get like this. She warned me. I didn't believe her. Now I believe her. Mom said that one day Theo would cry and freak out and it would take a lot to soothe him. Yeah, right. Every time I picked up Theo he went right to sleep. What was she talking about? Today I found out.

Today he was freaking out; meaning, crying and not stopping. I chose this very bad moment to try and put him into the new Snugli carrier I received in the mail last week. Surely being in the Snugli would calm him down!

I had been so excited to put him in the carrier and take him for a walk. I imagined it. I'd put him in, walk down to the Starbucks, perhaps the local bookstore, and return in 30 minutes or so. Passersby would stop and coo at my little charge, and compliment me on my slick carrier, complete with a herringbone pattern and racing stripe down the middle. "It's a Snugli" I would say. "Oh, I only know about the Baby Bjorn..." they would reply, and regret buying the ubiquitous blue carrier that everyone in our neighborhood had. I would walk away smugly with my Snugli.

But that's not what happened. Picture this: I put the Snugli on, and struggle with the fasteners. I think I've got the movements down (face plastic bar away from the baby, then slide up. Squeeze here, then unlatch here). I put Theo in the carrier and he starts crying. I'm trying to fasten the fasteners, but his little arm is in the way. He's turning red. I begin to sweat. I have 3 generations watching me: Aurora, Mom, and Grandma Spokane. GS tries to help, and Mom tries not to. Aurora pays no attention (thank goodness for the iPhone!). Theo cries and cries, and I finally slide, and click, and click again. I stand up and walk. He stops crying. I think about going outside. Theo feels me thinking about going outside, and starts crying again. When I move his little arm away from his chest and out of the arm hole, he cries harder. When I move his hood so it's not obstructing his face, he continues. Then he starts kicking his feet. I may not know jack about baby carriers, but I know when someone's not happy. Theo was not happy. I decide to take the blasted Snugli off and hold him the way he likes me to, with my arms that feel and smell like a person, not like plastic. I walk with him into his room to give everyone some peace and quiet.

But I can't take the carrier off by myself. I can't hold his head and unsnap the fastener with two hands, let alone one. I calmly walk back into the living room and say to GS, "Can you come here a minute?" She, professional nurse, mother of four, jumps right up and is at the ready. She helps me unlock Theo from his decorated torture device and holds him while I fan myself from sweating profusely. She teaches me the football hold, known in England as Tiger in a Tree. I copy the hold and walk back to the living room. Theo is as happy as...well, as happy as a tiger in a tree. All is calm. We would not be going outside this day.

Tomorrow I'm going to a baby store and I'm going to try on every carrier they have. The first one with latches that don't require a pit stop team, that's the one I'm getting. I just hope Theo likes it.