1. Be a nanny who has never taken care of a baby before.
2. Watch swaddle video. Realize you're dating yourself. Correct "video" to DVD.
3. Get used to baby over a few weeks. Become confident.
4. Put content baby in bassinet so you can position giant gauze blanket in crib.
5. Position blanket perfectly.
6. Put baby on blanket. Remember DVD acronym: DUDU (down, up, down, up).
7. Do first step correctly. Put baby's arm next to his side, and pull blanket down.
8. Say, "UP." Take rest of blanket and pull it up, next to baby's shoulder. Watch baby kick his legs.
9. Say, "DOWN." Pull rest of blanket underneath baby, and mumble something about a belt, and a tuck.
10. Break a nail.
11. Tuck all remaining fabric all over baby. Look at baby, who resembles a sack of moving potatoes.
12. Try again.
13. Repeat #12 three times.
14. Decide that baby is awake so he doesn't need to be swaddled anyway, and put him in Ergo baby carrier. Baby will fall asleep immediately.
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