Crying for a Carrier

So I got rid of the Snugli, and was determined to find a baby carrier that worked. I decided to go to the local maternity store, where the staffers were supposed to be nurturing and cater to your every mommy and nanny need. The most convenient location happened to be in the vicinity of the Boston Marathon, which had been bombed about 2 weeks prior. I hadn't been to that section of town since the bombings, and I knew I'd be emotional. I gave it a go anyway, for the baby. And for me, and for all the people affected by the tragedy that day.

As soon as I got off the T and climbed up the steps to the street, I started crying. I looked to my left, and there was the Finish line, bright yellow and blue. There were police officers everywhere, and lots of people going about their business. It looked like a normal city scene, except it wasn't normal, not to me.  I saw people laughing, having conversations, and walking briskly. I didn't like that. I felt that we were on sacred ground--how dare people carry on as if hundreds weren't injured just a few days ago?? I wanted people to walk slowly and silently. But of course, that's not how life is; people move on and go about their lives. I stumbled to my destination. It was strange--the same streets I had walked down for 20 years had a different look to them now. My mind kept flashing to images that I had seen on TV, and that's how I saw the streets this time. "There's the corner where the younger bomber stood after the second bomb went off. Here's the Walgreen's that was on the news again and again, the sound of the bomb going off and people screaming and running. Here's where the stands stood where that little boy was killed."

I kept my head down and tried to think of the task at hand. I wanted a carrier to put my new charge in so that we could go outside and take a pleasant walk around our quiet neighborhood. I held it together, knowing that the first person I talked to might get an earful.

And get an earful she did. I walked into the store, and a nice lady said, "Hi, can I help you?" I immediately burst into tears, and another employee got a box of tissues and thrust it at me." I stammered, "Hi, sorry, I just...it's the first time I've...(sniff sniff) been here since the Marathon, and I...(sniff) how are you guys doing?" They said they were fine, though it was hard. I finally told them what I was there for, and one of the women led me to the carrier rack with sample carriers. I tried on the lightest Ergo, which was recommended for smaller framed women like me. She put a giant baby doll in the carrier to test it out. It felt pretty good! Lightweight, comfortable...maybe this was the one. She told me that I'd need an insert for Theo, since he was so young. Since I knew we had an insert at the house, I didn't get one, but I got the carrier. Mission accomplished!